Staying friends – right or wrong?
You called him… you texted him… you emailed him every single day. But now that he’s not your boyfriend, should you still stay in touch? You’re no longer dating, but does that mean you can’t be friends?
In today’s world of instant and total communication, it seems almost illogical to stop talking to someone you shared such a constant and close connection with. Sure you broke up, but deleting your ex from your list of Facebook or MySpace friends seems a little harsh, doesn’t it? And do you take him off your email lists when you send out funny jokes, videos, and other stuff? Trying to stay friends after a relationship ends is a dilemma.
But think about it for a moment. Just how close do you want to stay to your ex boyfriend? Do you really want to know what he’s up to… who he’s seeing… and when he begins dating again? Will you be able to handle it when your ex-boyfriend starts seeing other girls, or will it make you jealous?
Before asking the question can you stay friends with your ex, ask a different question first: do you still love him? Do you want your ex back? Because if so, friendship is actually the last thing you want… even if he suggested it.
If your boyfriend asked to stay friends after the breakup, cold it mean that he’s not happy with the idea of losing you completely? Even if he’s the one who dumped you, your ex might rather see a gradual detachment where the two of you stay in touch. This allows him the freedom to date other people and keep you at arm’s length, but at the same time know exactly where you are and what you’re doing. It’s comforting for him to know he can perhaps get you back if he wants, so he suggests staying friends. For you though this might not be the healthiest of things emotionally.
Do you really want your ex back? If you do – then work toward that goal. Don’t substitute friendship for the relationship you really want, hoping and praying that you can use that friendship to enable you to get close to him again. The reality is that you won’t get close – in fact, you’ll drift further and further apart and it will take you longer to move on. Your ex will eventually just see you as a friend that he once dated.
Believe me, you do NOT want to watch your ex -boyfriend date other girls if you still have feelings for him. You don’t want to hear about his exploits, issues, problems, and new conquests. You cannot sit back and pretend to be his good friend when he comes to you with every little thing that happens in his life. When his life doesn’t involve you in it… it becomes a lot harder to hear about.
You cannot stay friends with your ex – not if you want him back. If you distance yourself from him then you may be able to create a situation in which your ex begins to miss and need you again but, you also have to face and accept that your ex may never want you back and is just asking to stay friends with you because he feels it will be easier on you and his only intention is to move further away from you slowly and gently.
Do what is right for you – not them!!
