Trying not to end up in divorce!
It is depressing to see a marriage in trouble especially when it is yourself or people who are close to you. It is especially sad to see them end up as messy divorces. So can you save your marriage? Filing for a divorce is not always the right thing to do when it feels like your marriage has rock bottom. There are several options you can try that will require both partners to be fully committed to saving the relationship that they have. If only one of you wants the marriage to work then an attempt a reconciliation will never work.
The first thing you could try is marriage counseling – sometimes it can help to have someone neutral (a mediator) to talk to as they can be impartial and keep you focused when it comes to talking as it can become all too easy to fall into the trap of apportioning blame on each other and getting into a tit-for-tat argument.
One thing that some people find hard to deal with is that the perfect marriage is a myth. Sometimes the most passionate marriages can seem like hell to the outsider as the couple argue constantly but ultimately they are happy and their sex life will be just as passionate. Try to avoid comparing your marriage to friends and family as no marriages are the same.
Many people claim the first year or two or marriage can be the hardest as whenever two people are brought together and suddenly living together on a daily basis, there is bound to be problems. This is completely normal. Even close friends are different in their likes and dislikes and even though you love your friend and have known them for 25 years it doesn’t mean you could live together in total harmony. For any marriage to succeed you must learn to deal with the rough patches and overcome their problems. If you are seeking perfection then you will never be happy. People make mistakes, work with your partner and overcome the problems you face, and you’ll realize it is possible to save my marriage – perhaps you will realise that the thing you thought was huge is not that bad after all and not worth throwing your marriage away for!
Good communication is vital in any relationship. If you can’t talk to each other then your marriage will no doubt run into problems. It is important to be honest with your partner – most problems can be overcome if communication is strong in your marriage.
It is also important that you both learn to accept compromise. Part of a healthy marriage is compromise. There will be things your partner thinks is acceptable in a relationship that you might not totally agree with – but if it is not going to be harmful to you, your partner or your relationship then why not compromise and let him go to the football and the pub with his friends. There is no doubt things about you that your partner does not agree with or like but he lets it go because he loves you.
Marriage is also about commitment. If you have a car and it breaks down, you don’t abandon the car on the side of the road – you take it home and have it repaired either by yourselves or by a professional. The only time you do get rid of the car is when there is no hope. Saving your marriage requires the same level of commitment.
Of course there are times when things are so bad that nothing can change it. Some issues cannot be solved – for example, some couples can not get over an affair and no amount of counseling will help. Sometimes problems are too great and will lead to divorce. If you feel there is even the slimmest chance you can save your marriage then it is surely worth trying?
