It is depressing to see a marriage in trouble especially when it is yourself or people who are close to you. It is especially sad to see them end up as messy divorces. So can you save your marriage? Filing for a divorce is not always the right thing to do when it feels like your marriage has rock bottom. There are several options you can try that will require both partners to be fully committed  to saving the relationship that they have. If only one of you wants the marriage to work then an attempt a reconciliation will never work.

The first thing you could try is marriage counseling – sometimes it can help to have someone neutral (a mediator) to talk to as they can be impartial and keep you focused when it comes to talking as it can become all too easy to fall into the trap of apportioning blame on each other and getting into a tit-for-tat argument.

One thing that some people find hard to deal with is that the perfect marriage is a myth.  Sometimes the most passionate marriages can seem like hell to the outsider as the couple argue constantly but ultimately they are happy and their sex life will be just as passionate.  Try to avoid comparing your marriage to friends and family as no marriages are the same.

Many people claim the first year or two or marriage can be the hardest as whenever two people are brought together and suddenly living together on a daily basis, there is bound to be problems. This is completely normal. Even close friends are different in their likes and dislikes and even though you love your friend and have known them for 25 years it doesn’t mean you could live together in total harmony. For any marriage to succeed you must learn to deal with the rough patches and overcome their problems. If you are seeking perfection then you will never be happy. People make mistakes, work with your partner and overcome the problems you face, and you’ll realize it is possible to save my marriage – perhaps you will realise that the thing you thought was huge is not that bad after all and not worth throwing your marriage away for!

Good communication is vital in any relationship.  If you can’t talk to each other then your marriage will no doubt run into problems. It is important to be honest with your partner – most problems can be overcome if communication is strong in your marriage.

It is also important that you both learn to accept compromise. Part of a healthy marriage is compromise.  There will be things your partner thinks is acceptable in a relationship that you might not totally agree with – but if it is not going to be harmful to you, your partner or your relationship then why not compromise and let him go to the football and the pub with his friends.  There is no doubt things about you that your partner does not agree with or like but he lets it go because he loves you.

Marriage is also about commitment. If you have a car and it breaks down, you don’t abandon the car on the side of the road – you take it home and have it repaired either by yourselves or by a professional. The only time you do get rid of the car is when there is no hope. Saving your marriage requires the same level of commitment.

Of course there are times when things are so bad that nothing can change it. Some issues cannot be solved – for example, some couples can not get over an affair and no amount of counseling  will help. Sometimes problems are too great and will lead to divorce. If you feel there is even the slimmest chance you can save your marriage then it is surely worth trying?

When you are in love with your man and he has just told you he needs to take a break, your first thought is to run after him and tell him how much you love him and need him. If you go to your friends for advice, they will probably tell you to let him go. That is easy to say because they are not the one to be losing the love of their life. You do not want to let him go, you want to get him back.

The truth is, the advice given by your friends is kinda right. To get your ex boyfriend back don’t chase him or hound him or harass him – as hard as it may seem you need to back off and give him space.  Let him think you are OK and coping!

You do not have to give him up, but if you run after him crying and begging, you will lose him for good. This sort of behaviour is not very attractive in a man’s eyes and could end up pushing him away further. He will see you as being needy and desperate and no man wants a woman that cannot control her emotions.

When you let your emotions take over you can end up doing things you regret. You will do things that you would not normally think of doing if you were thinking with a clear head. Giving in to your instincts will make you appear desperate, when you start calling him at all hours and telling him you cannot live without him – you risk blowing it completely. Doing this can ruin any chance that you have of getting him back.

What you need to be doing to get your ex back is to stay away from him. Do not have any contact with him at all for several weeks. This will keep you from telling him you love him and cannot live without him, and it will give him a chance to settle down and see how important you are to him. The longer you can make him think you have taken the breakup in your stride – that life is carrying on without him, the better chance you will have of gettinig him back.

If you can do this then you are showing him how strong and mature you are, and he will begin to have second thoughts about breaking up with you.

The reason this tactic works so well is that when he broke up with you, he felt you were still madly in love with him and that you would be begging him to love you again. When you do not tell him you love him or even contact him, it will cause him to think you do not want him any more and he will fear that he has lost you completely and hopefully he will start to call you and realise he has made a mistake.

On the other hand you also have to be prepared for the fact that he really, truly may not want to get back with you and this is something you may have to deal with!