Keeping a relationship a secret!

Do you or someone you know have a relationship that’s being kept secret?

It can feel exciting physically and sexually. Couples who keep their relationship a secret generally have a good reason – some innocent and some not so innocent.

A secret relationship requires couples to be extremely secretive and avoid mentioning anything about the relationship in any casual conversations. It can be extremely stressful and tensions run high when both partners have to keep watching what they say and if they are often in the same company they have to make sure they avoid looking at each other as any more than just friends.

Added to stress and tension is the constant worrying of being seen together when they are out alone together. They have the constant worry of bumping into people they know and have to avoid showing simple shows of affection such as, walking down the road holding hands.

Sometimes there are good reasons to keep the relationship a secret – maybe you are good friends and it has blossomed into more than just being friends and you want still to be seen together around your mutual friends without people suspecting you are in a relationship.

There are instances where co-workers in the workplace who started dating keep their relationship a secret for reasons of job security because such dating might be discouraged in their workplace.

The question of having a secret relationship or not, is surely an individual choice and if it has been kept a secret for personal and harmless reasons then as friends we have to accept when it becomes public knowledge, the reasons our friends kept it hidden from us in the beginning.  It is important that we are supportive as friends – even if we feel that the reason it was kept a secret from us was more than, for example, they wanted to take time to get used to it themselves if they used to be just friends.

Some relationships are kept secret for other reasons – is one of them married or in a relationship already and it is an affair?  Has your friend kept it a secret from you because she or he knows that you will not approve of the choice of partner for some reason?

As a friend even if you do not approve when the relationship comes to light – you have to support your friend and accept their choice because at the end of the day it is their life and their choice who they date.  I am not saying that you are not allowed to tell your friend your concerns but you can do it nicely and be diplomatic.  Let them know how you feel but also, let them know you are there for them should the relationship fail.  It is important that your friend knows that he or she has you on their side if they need you.