Getting over a break up gets easier with time but you can make that time less painful by keeping a positive attitude and focussing on you. Getting over a break up can be an ideal time to concentrate on your goals and on improving yourself.

It may be tempting to contact the person who hurt you and ask why or to try and put the relationship back together. This is NOT a good idea. You need space to be objective and try and be clear about your feelings for your ex.  Remind yourself what went wrong within the relationship and try not to just remember the good times (something that is easily and often done).

Under no conditions should you enter into any sexual activity with your ex.

When you are trying to get over a break up try to keep your stress level to a minimum – this can be hard when your emotions are all over th place.

You will no doubt feel anger and unhappiness, and even feelings of guilt (even if you have nothing to actually feel guilty about). If you feel you need to have a good rant and vent some anger then don’t be afriad to do so. It can be productive int the healing process.

Your friends and family are there to help and support you so, use them. Tell them how you are feeling and listen to their advice. Sometimes another persons perspective can give you a fresh view on the matter. If nothing else you can be around them and feel supported and cared for.

Examine your life.

When getting over a break up, it is the ideal time to concern about your lacks and needs. Try not to care about what your ex thinks? Do you need to cut your hair, get new clothes, take a course or make some changes to your life? This is a ideal time to do these things. Spoil yourself a little. Pamper yourself but don’t over do it though, or your financial matters might end up adding to your worries!

Getting over a bad break up is not easy, but with strength, support and friends and family you can do it!

In today’s world of instant and total communication, it seems almost illogical to stop talking to someone you shared such a constant and close connection with.  Sure you broke up, but deleting your ex from your list of Facebook or MySpace friends seems a little harsh, doesn’t it?  And do you take him off your email lists when you send out funny jokes, videos, and other stuff?  Trying to stay friends after a relationship ends is a dilemma.

But think about it for a moment.  Just how close do you want to stay to your ex boyfriend?  Do you really want to know what he’s up to… who he’s seeing… and when he begins dating again?  Will you be able to handle it when your ex-boyfriend starts seeing other girls, or will it make you jealous?

Before asking the question can you stay friends with your ex, ask a different question first: do you still love him?  Do you want your ex back?  Because if so, friendship is actually the last thing you want… even if he suggested it.

If your boyfriend asked to stay friends after the breakup, cold it mean that he’s not happy with the idea of losing you completely?  Even if he’s the one who dumped you, your ex might rather see a gradual detachment where the two of you stay in touch.  This allows him the freedom to date other people and keep you at arm’s length, but at the same time know exactly where you are and what you’re doing.  It’s comforting for him to know he can perhaps get you back if he wants, so he suggests staying friends.  For you though this might not be the healthiest of things emotionally.

Do you really want your ex back?  If you do – then work toward that goal.  Don’t substitute friendship for the relationship you really want, hoping and praying that you can use that friendship to enable you to get close to him again.  The reality is that you won’t get close – in fact, you’ll drift further and further apart and it will take you longer to move on.    Your ex will eventually just see you as a friend that he once dated.

Believe me, you do NOT want to watch your ex -boyfriend date other girls if you still have feelings for him.  You don’t want to hear about his exploits, issues, problems, and new conquests.  You cannot sit back and pretend to be his good friend when he comes to you with every little thing that happens in his life.  When his life doesn’t involve you in it… it becomes a lot harder to hear about.

You cannot stay friends with your ex  – not if you want him back.  If you distance yourself from him then you may be able to create a situation in which your ex begins to miss and need you again but, you also have to face and accept that your ex may never want you back and is just asking to stay friends with you because he feels it will be easier on you and his only intention is to move further away from you slowly and gently.

Do what is right for you – not them!!

One thing you need to realise is, there is no time limit.  Every break-up is individual and as far as how long it will take you to recover – there is no hard and fast rules or set time period!

I think that most people would expect to see some kind of recovery after a few months – things should be getting back to normal slowly, and you would hope that the time you spend dwelling on your ex will become less and less.  You should feel like there is some light at the end of that, what may seem very long, tunnel.

If after a few months you don’t feel as though you are making any progree you might need to sit back and look at why this is the case?  Are you still surrounded by things that remiond you of him – is the bathroom cabinet still full of his personal stuff, is there clothes still in the cupboard and are the CDs that remind you of him still in the stereo and the only music you listen to?

If this is the case then you NEED to de-clutter, get his stuff packed up and put away – preferably returned to him so that you are not tempted to ‘put on his favourite jumper’ or listen to the smoochy songs on the CD!  If you feel you can’t face him – get a friend to take his stuff to him.  You will never recover if you are constantly reminded of him.

If you are trying to move on and you are still feeling very low – it might be that you need some outside help.  A counselor can be good to talk to and can help a great deal to aid your recovery.  They are neutral and will not be judgement but can give you tips on how to move on with your life.

Spending time with family and friends will help you enormously too, get out there and use their company to keep you occupied, if you are busy then you will find you have less time to dwell on your break-up.  Surrounding yourself with people who love you will help by supporting you and help you stay strong.

During a bad breakup it is hard to image that you will be happy again but you will.

Another tip is try to think of the bad things about your relationship, after all no relationship is every truly perfect!  It is all too easy to only think of the good times when a relationship breaks up.

You will get through it and you will find that as time moves on the time you spend dwelling on your ex will become less and before you know it you will be out there dating again and having fun!  If you  can learn from your past broken relationship then you can take that knowledge with you into your next relationship and that should help make that relationship even better.

1. Avoid stuff that reminds you of your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.

A small part of you will actually be relieved that a strained and stressful relationship has come to an end. However, it is natural to suffer due to the emotionally agonizing nature of the incident. Your memories will be fresh and all gifts and momentoes will open the wounds. The sensible approach when dealing with breakups is to keep such gifts and momentoes out of sight.

2. Visit your friends and relatives.

Make a deliberate effort to visit your friends and relatives. A change in atmosphere is a very good option when dealing with breakups.

3. Be Active.

Get active and become busy in any activity or hobby. Read good novels, join a gym, go out with the girls or opt for some meditation. This approach when dealing with breakups will help you gradually forget the pain.

4. WHY and WHAT went wrong – unavoidable when dealing with breakups.

Examine the reasons that led to the break up. Find out why the seemingly strong bond got stressed and broke. Once this analysis is done, ask yourself what is needed to ensure you overcome this problem as early as possible should it happen again.

Human nature is a weird and wonderful thing and sometimes our emotions can truly and uttely make things so much more complicated than it should be.  You dumped him and he seemed broken hearted at the time, but now you are seeing him out and about having fun and chatting up girls and the worst of it is he doesn’t seem too upset at all or to be missing you at all.  He didn’t EVEN seem bothered when you were with that other guy!  So, are you actually missing him or is it your pride that is hurting?

Chances are it’s your pride that has taken a knocking and not your heart.  Now don’t get me wrong there are cases where people suddenly realise that they really do miss that person but don’t confuse your dented pride for anything other than just that.

It can be all too easy to forget the reasons why you actually ended the relationship and these are things that you have to remember when you are feeling fed up.  You couldn’t of been happy if you ended it and if you got back together are these things that you can change or will they always be a part of the relationship?

You need to be sure of how you feell and not act impulsively – image you get back together just because you were jealous that he had moved on and you weren’t having as much fun as he wasand then 3 months later you are back where you started, what will you do then?

Just be sure if you go back to him that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you truly do want him back and at the end of the day only you can decide that!!

How many times have your family or friends asked “How’s the Ex”?

Divorce means a lot of adjustment in your life and how you see yourself outside your marriage may take time. When you’re used to saying “we” or “ours”, it takes some time to make the shift from being a part of a couple to being divorced and single again.

The same goes for your family and friends. They are still used to viewing you and your ex as a couple. Asking how your ex is doing may just be part of their habitual behaviour. Of course, now that you’re divorced those old habits can start to grate on your nerves.

Just as it takes time for you to adjust your self-identify from being “part of a couple” to “being divorced”, it takes family and friends time too.  Give them time to get used to the idea that you are not together any more.

Start to train these people to recognize the new configuration of your life by setting some boundaries. Next time someone asks you how your ex is doing, you can politely, but firmly, tell them “I don’t really know. We’re not together anymore. Why don’t you ask him?” You may get some snide looks, but you have made it clear that you simply don’t wish to discuss it.

One of the gifts of divorce is that you can re-create your life as you want it. Remember, you teach people how to treat you.

In order to take advantage of these signs and signals, you should not jump in and beg your ex to start a relationship again. The best thing to do is play hard and don’t seem needy. This has a psychological effect when someone wants what they can’t get. Your ex is showing you signs that they want you back which may be due to you playing hard in the first place.

When two people break up, there is always seems to be one partner missing the other. This is especially true for relationships that lasted for more than several months. It does not matter what caused the break up, you will have memories of the good times you shared together and you may also have to remind yourself of the bad times. So if you are still wondering if your ex wants to get back with you, then maybe your ex is asking the very same question.

Another point to note is that even though your ex may be showing a little interest in you does not mean that they want to get back together with you. They can be doing it as a form of revenge for some perceived wrong that occur in the past. That is why it is very important to take it slow in the first place.

This is common, and a lot of people find themselves wondering “does my ex want to get back with me?”, but the truth is, its better to get a feel for the situation before you act. In reality, if your ex does want to get back with you, playing hard to get (in moderation) is the best scenario because it will prevent you from getting hurt if your ex is not really serious about getting back with you.

The risk with this is sometimes when we chat to people online old feelings can be rekindled and quite often all the things that split you up in the first place can be forgotten.  If you are in a relationship and happy and your other half knows then the chances are nothing will happen.  There are more and more stories of people running off with ex-lovers and leaving behind their husbands and kids.  The thing is, the reality is very different to the fantasy that can be built up when you are writing to each other online.

Stories are often heard about people sleeping with their ex’s after they have left – usually this happens when the person left behind has not moved on.  It is dangerous thing to do as it can cause so much heartbreak for the person who has not moved on.  Lots of people think that because their ex wants to sleep with them it means they want them back and in reality it usually doesn’t.  It usually means he wants his cake and to eat it too.  The chances are that in the cold light of day he will wake up, leave and you will be left feeling empty and used!

It is playing with fire and can make it harder for you to move on and leave the past behind.  When you split and you go your seperate ways then that is what you must do unless you both talk and decide to make it work!  But a drunken night together after you split is generally not worth the hassle!

But……it could be that deep down you still love him and life and problems are getting in the way of your relationship.  Stress can do dreadful things to what was once a happy and content relationship.  Look at your partner and if the thought of him being with someone else tears you apart and you would be devestated then perhaps there is something worth saving?  So, what is it that is getting in the way?  Do you have money worries, are you stuck at home all day with the kids and feeling resentful?  There could be several things that are getting you both down and tearing you apart.

The most important thing is talking and the hardest thing is making that first move.  You will find that once one of you takes the lead and starts to talk then the flood gates will open and you can try, together, as a couple to try and mend your relationship!  The money issues or the stress will still be there but if you are working together it will seem easier to deal with as oppose to working against each other.

If you feel it’s not worth the effort then it is time to move on.

So, what happens when you do split and you don’t want to?  One thing you must never resort to is game playing – so many people try to play games in order to try and win the other person back.  This is NOT a good idea.

I have seen people pretend to be seeing someone else in the hope of trying to make their ex-partner jealous.  Doesn’t make you look good when the truth comes out.  I have know people who ave faked illnesses to try and get the other person to come back to them.  Really, truly games do not work – they invariably back fire in the end.

The truth of the matter is, if your ex does not want to see you any more there actually is little or nothing you can do about it.  You cannot force someone to love you, and if you play deceitful games to make them stay they will leave you in the end.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your days with someone who you know is only with you because you lied to them or that they have come back to you because they felt they needed to be with you out of a misguided loyalty?  This is not love, and in the end it will destroy you both.

If someone does not want to be with you any more as much as it hurts you have to accept it and spend time healing and putting yourself back together again.  Everyone is different and each person has there own way of dealing with a break up.  What ever is yours do it and move on – in time you will meet someone else and you’ll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.