You NEED to know for your own sanity and get closure once and for all.  Even if it is something you don’t want to hear.

There are some signs that you should look for when you are trying to discover the truth about your partner. Even the best liars can be caught out and you can definitely tell if they are cheating by looking out for some clues.

Is your partner being distant?  Does he turn away from you in bed and has he become less demonstrative towards you?  Of course this does not necessarily mean he’s having an affair but it is a classic sign. You can easily tell when something is wrong although they might say otherwise. If they don’t hug or kiss you like they used to, then this is an obvious sign something has changed.

Another way to spot an affair is to look through their phone or if possible their email. You may feel that this is an invasion of their privacy but if you feel they are being unfaithful and need proof this might be the only option you have. Do they hide their phone from you?  Or delete all their messages now?  If their phone rings or buzzes with a text message do they rush to answer before you can pick it up?  They may suddenly have become angry if you even so much as look at their phone.

Perhaps they are secretive about what they are doing on the computer and whereas before they would always leave their email account open then now sign out and close everything down.

Of course all these do not mean there is an affair going on but if a lot of these things are happening then the truth is there is a high chance there is something going on!

You have good reason to know what is going on behind your back and you deserve to demand the truth.

I suppose there is a variety of reasons.  Some people feel that sex is just sex and that for them to sleep with someone other than their partner it is not cheating.  Some just believe that this is acceptable and unfortunately if you are someone who doesn’t feel the same then it is never going to work.

For others there is the claim of a supposed ‘sex-addiction’!  They just can’t help themselves when it comes to saying ‘no’ to sex.  Many believe this is not a real addiction and is used as a ‘get out clause’ when people are repeatedly caught cheating.

On the other hand there is the case of cheating when someone is not happy in a relationship.  This is no excuse for cheating – if you are not happy in your relationship then you need to talk and if you feel the need to cheat then it perhaps time to do the honourable thing and leave the relationship before someone is hurt more than is necessary.

People have different opinions as to what is classed as cheating and this is something that you should talk about with your partner.  Some people see a kiss as harmless whereas many see this as just as big a betrayal as having sex with someone.

Sometimes when people are cheating it is actually NOT about the sex but about the chase and the thrill.  Maybe it is possible that they are still in love with their partner but they find the relationship stale and lacking any excitement.

The majority of couples do think that being faithful is part and parcel of a relationship and are contented to stay monogomous and most believe that if one person is not prepared to stay faithful then they are not happy with that person and I tend to agree with this.

People need to talk and if one partner can knowingly enter into a sexual relationship with someone other than their partner then it shows a lack of respect for not just the person they are with but for their relationship.

And this also begs the question – will they do it again?

One of the most used excuses is ‘I’m working late tonight darling!’ how many times has that old gem been used I wonder?  Has he started changing the way he dresses – starting to take more care of his appearance?  Another obvious sign is that he starts staying out late and making excuses for where he has been and who he has been with.

Sometimes the signs can be subtle, a change in aftershave or using creams.  New friends that you’ve never met will creep into conversation, and he’ll casually mention that he was out with ‘Dave’ who is someone he works with that you don’t know.

Of course there are the obvious signs like, smelling of perfume or showering when he comes home from a night out.  When you speak to the friend he was supposedly with or their wife they tell you that they weren’t out that night….so who was he with and why has he lied to you?

If you do think he is cheating then be sure you have something concrete to act upon rather than wild accusations.  If you haven’t got your facts straight then he will be able to cover his tracks easily.  If you suspect something is going on then you have to get to the bottom of it and find out what is going on even if you don’t like the out come. You cannot live in a relationship that is built on mistrust and suspicion and if he is cheating on you would you want to stay with him anyway?

Never, never make rash decisions – these are something you could come to later regret.

Take time out to calm down and come to terms with what has happened.  This could mean ask him to move out, or perhaps you could take some time away on neutral ground to get your head together and not feel pressured into making choices that you are really not happy with.  It can be all to easy to feel pressurised into staying when really you don’t want to.

With some cheating partners they can all to easily lay the blame at the other persons door by using reasons such as ‘well, since you had the baby we haven’t had sex that often’ or ‘if you hadn’t argued with me it wouldn’t have happened’.  Another well used ‘reason’ (sorry excuse) is……’it was only the once and it meant nothing’!  NEVER for one second ever believe it was anyone’s fault but theirs.  They made the choice not you.

If, when you have decided to stay and make a go then you cannot throw it back in your partners face every time you fight.  This is not fair and you will never move in from it if this happens.  If you say to your partner ‘ok it happened but I can move on from it’ then you have to do just that.  If you can’t then you have to leave and get on with your life without someone who will cheat on you.

Moving on from an affair can be very difficult and only you can decide if you can survive it.  Just decide that you stay for the right reasons and that you CAN stay!

If you look at the whole big picture of your relationship then there has to be something wrong with it for you to have cheated in the first place. Let’s be honest if you were 100% happy then it wouldn’t have happened – it’s as simple and as plain as that.

You need to address the problem in your relationship if your relationship has any chance of survival – if it is going to have a future.  Although the first thing you need to decide is do you want to try and make your relationship work? If not then the time has come to walk away, move on and start again.

Some people are classed as serial cheaters – why is this?  Many people would say that these people have just never met the right person and if they had then they would soon settle and be committed.  For some people it goes deeper than that. Some just cannot commit to a monogamous relationship and some never will.  There is generally a reason for this – usually emotional issues that can run quite deep.  It could be down to a bad divorce between their parents, or having been badly hurt themselves by someone in the past who cheated on them.  Be very wary of these types of guys (that’s another article I suppose!)

So, you cheated?  Can you live with the guilt?  What would your other half say and do if he found out?  Would he be devastated?  Do you tell him?  Thing is, may people actually tell their partners purely to ease their own guilt.  Sometimes silence is the best policy if it was a stupid mistake like a kiss on a drunken night out.  Why hurt someone unnecessarily just to make yourself feel better?  Live with your guilt, learn from it, move on and use those feelings to never let it happen again!  If it does then leave him and let him get on with his life with someone who will treat him with respect.

Would you be able to trust him again, would your relationship ever be the same again?  Personally I don’t think it is something I could ever get back if my other half cheated on me. Every time he went out I would be wondering where he was, who he was with and what he was doing and with whom.

In my personal experience those that I have met that have cheated on a partner invariably do it again – not ALL but a lot!

It is something that is personal and only you can make the decision whether to stay and try to make it work or go.

Maybe it was a silly mistake and it’s not worth throwing away your entire life together for but then some would say that if it was worth saving then he wouldn’t have done it on the first place.

It’s difficult to say, but I would say one thing – if he’s done it more than once then alarm bells should be ringing!

In my personal experience those that I have met that have cheated on a partner invariably do it again – not ALL but a lot!

It is something that is personal and only you can make the decision whether to stay and try to make it work or go.

Maybe it was a silly mistake and it’s not worth throwing away your entire life together for but then some would say that if it was worth saving then he wouldn’t have done it on the first place.

It’s difficult to say, but I would say one thing – if he’s done it more than once then alarm bells should be ringing!

]]> http://www.boyfriendtrouble.co.uk/know-the-signs/once-a-cheat-always-a-cheat/feed/ 0 http://www.boyfriendtrouble.co.uk/know-the-signs/spot-the-cheat/ http://www.boyfriendtrouble.co.uk/know-the-signs/spot-the-cheat/#comments Tue, 27 Jan 2009 07:18:34 +0000 admin http://www.boyfriendtrouble.co.uk/?p=8 Could he really be cheating on you?

The first and most important thing in this situation is to keep a level head.  Of course the immediate reaction is to go hysterical and then get angry followed by lots of tears and chocolate while asking yourself why.

In fact in most cases the fear is unfounded.  Unfortunately, because we have emotions like jealousy, we tend to go off like a rocket before thinking about it clearly.

There are many things to consider first, such as how old the relationship is?  Is it a serious relationship for both of you?  There is no point in planning revenge if you only met a week ago.  Perhaps he doesn’t see it as serious.  Do you really think it is serious?

How did you find out he was cheating?  Are you actually sure he was cheating?  There are so many questions that need to have clear answers.

Tell us your stories.

Have you caught your man cheating?

Have you been embarassed to find out he wasn’t cheating after you accused him?

And, if he was, how did you deal with it?