He uses your name often when he speaks to you: If he likes you, your name is literally music to his ears and he will want to say it often. It makes him feel good to say your name.

He tends to brush up against or touch you: Those little innocent brushes in the hallway or light touches on the shoulder at your desk are not by accident. They are ways of being closer to you and could mean he is wishing he could be more intimate with you.

He ignores you at odd times: If he is unsure about how you feel about him, he may actually try ignoring you at certain times. He may be nervous about what to say, to say to you or how to talk to you.

You are good friends but he avoids talking about his love life: If you two are friends but he wants more, he may conspicuously avoid telling you about whom he is dating or he may leave key details out. This is a classic sign that he is trying to protect your feelings and also that he is trying not spoil his chances of dating you in the future.

He tends to ignore other women when you are around: For example, if there are three attractive women in the room and he is giving you by far the most attention, that is a huge sign that he likes you.

He looks for your reaction first when he tells a joke: If you are in a group situation and he tells what he thinks is a funny joke, he will give his first eye contact after the punch line to the person whose reaction is the most important.

His close friends ask you about whom you are dating: Do you find that his friends have asked you about your love life? They may be trying to find out more information and then feeding it back to him so that he can stay informed.

So, if you can tick a few of these boxes when it comes to his behaviour towards you then why not take the bull by the horns and ask him out – what have you got to lose?

An older couple were lying in bed after an evening celebrating there 50th Wedding Anniversary. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to go back to sleep. A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.” Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite me on my neck.” Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked. He answered, “To get my teeth!”

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.” The husband retorts, “Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?” She replied, “Frankly dear, your name never came up.”

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?     You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men.  You might as well – they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something – suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind – but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man – look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal

Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.

Why is psycho analysis a lot quicker for a man then for a
women?
Because when it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already
there.

If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same
time,who would reach the ground first?
The woman, the man would get lost.

How are men like commercials?
You can’t believe a word either one of them says and they both
last about 60 seconds.

How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a
bikini.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business.

If men got pregnant ….
Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available
in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the
Olympics?
He had it bronzed.

What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable.”

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife?
Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, “Great chili, Babe!”

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the
circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift?
Exchange him.

Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something – suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind – but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man – look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him cheque books.

14. Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy

2. Eating Out

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in £20.00 even though it’s only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. Money

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he wants.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item she doesn’t need.

4. Bathrooms

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothpaste, a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. Arguments

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. Cats

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

7. Future

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. Success

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. Marriage

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

10. Dressing Up

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. Natural

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. Offspring

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Why men can’t win the battle of the sexes

An all-too-true list of why men can never win the the battle of the sexes

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it’s favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.

If you cry, you’re a wimp.
If you don’t, you’re insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a control freak.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s manipulation.
If she asks you, it’s a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re self-centered.
If you don’t, you’re a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you’re after something.
If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.

If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re an egotist.
If you’re not, you’re not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she’s tired.
If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.