I don’t suppose anyone can truly decide that apart from you.  After all we all have different needs and expectations from our relationships.

All couples go through rough patches and you need to determine whether you feel your relationship can weather the storm.  Sometimes it can all feel very desperate and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  I think every couple has been there at one time or another.  If you look at that person and still know that you love them and that you can’t imagine life without them then that means there is hope.  There is still a reason to fight to survive.

You need to sit down as a couple and ‘talk’ calmly and constructively.  Talk about what you can do to make changes – they may only be small changes but it is a step in the right direction and hopefully they can make a BIG difference.

Now, there are reasons to leave that can be more serious.  Violence and abuse are something that should no person (woman or man) should have to tolerate. If your partner is abusive you need to leave.  Being in a relationship with someone is suppose to make you happy and if that person makes you feel bad about yourself you need to go or he does.

Someone who truly loves you will not bully you, hit you or humilate you.  This is not a healthy relationship and the longer you stay it will get worse.  As long as you allow yourself to be in this situation the more you will be hurt by it.  It can be hard to move on as normally if you are in a relationship like this your self-esteem will be low and you will feel you are not capable but you are!  And if you have children then you need to be strong for them and make the change for you all!

These many questions will eat you alive if you don’t stop them.

The important point to remember is what can you do at this point to help them get out of the situation and things you can do in the future to assist them to not get into a situation like that a second time.

As far as things you are able to do now, the main thing is simply to let the person know that you are there to help them. Don’t force them to make the decision which you want them to. Secondly, make sure not to pressure them into keeping in touch with you or keeping you up-to-date with plans, or anything else that they may be not very good at. They are under unrelenting pressure from their violent spouse, as well as most likely additional people in their life.

You definitely want them to think of you as the one person they can always depend on, no matter what. In this way, they will most certainly depend on you for help if and when they finally make the heartbreakimg decision to leave their violent spouse.

A sad fact is that humans tend to replay unhealthy behaviour in their life. Therefore a frightening possibility is that you might once again find yourself watching your loved one begin a relationship with another violent partner.

The hope is, though, you will find yourself more able to recognize the warning signals, having been through the situation previously. Also hopefully, your friend or loved one might be more likely to turn to you since you have been there for them the time before.

The important point to remember is to respect them and let them know you are there for them no matter what happens!

It is something that does go on but is very rarely talked about -  it seems to be subject that is taboo!  Why this is the case I do not understand.  Is it because men are not supposed to be weak?  That people find it hard to believe that a big burly bloke of 6ft could suffer violence at the hands of his 5ft wife?  Where are the support groups, the voice for the men who suffer?

Men become trapped as well,  They love their partner deeply and hope that it will stop and as time goes on and it continues their self-esteem becomes low and they can’t walk away because who would believe them?  They can’t retaliate because then that would make them no better than anyone else who shows violence in a relationship.  So, what do they do?

For those that do leave it is never talked about, swept under the carpet and they try to pick up the pieces and move on with their lives.  Surely though there must be some emotional scarring here too?  Just because they are men it can’t hurt any less emotionally!

We should never allow violence to happen whatever sex we are.  It is NOT acceptable in any shape or form.  And for those that it happens to get help……….please!

In years gone past it almost acceptable that a man beat his wife, or slapped her should he have, what he considered, a good reason.  It wasn’t really talked about as in those times it was not really acceptable to talk about your personal or home life.

I think that now we are encouraged to talk about these things and, of course, we are now taught that this is NOT acceptable and that what ever sex or age we are, violence in the home is something that we must stop.

Sadly though there are many women trapped in violent and abusive relationships and a lot of them will stay there for a long time before finding the strength to leave.  There is no stereotypical ‘type’ of woman who is caught up in this trap.  The one thing they do have in common that is due to their relationships is low self esteem and a belief that they can’t leave as they don’t deserve better.

No person, male or female, should have to live their life frightened to make the wrong thing for dinner, or saying something that is considered wrong. No one has the right to make you feel worthless or scared in this way, and if it is happening to you then you to seek help, start by talking to a friend, it is a step in the right direction.

Further help: http://www.refuge.org.uk/