Being a friend!

Say you have a loved one in an abusive relationship, the stress and many times, guilty feelings you may feel can be almost overwhelming. Why would they decide on this person? Should I have voiced concerns earlier? Why didn’t I spot the signs when I first met them? What should I be doing now?

These many questions will eat you alive if you don’t stop them.

The important point to remember is what can you do at this point to help them get out of the situation and things you can do in the future to assist them to not get into a situation like that a second time.

As far as things you are able to do now, the main thing is simply to let the person know that you are there to help them. Don’t force them to make the decision which you want them to. Secondly, make sure not to pressure them into keeping in touch with you or keeping you up-to-date with plans, or anything else that they may be not very good at. They are under unrelenting pressure from their violent spouse, as well as most likely additional people in their life.

You definitely want them to think of you as the one person they can always depend on, no matter what. In this way, they will most certainly depend on you for help if and when they finally make the heartbreakimg decision to leave their violent spouse.

A sad fact is that humans tend to replay unhealthy behaviour in their life. Therefore a frightening possibility is that you might once again find yourself watching your loved one begin a relationship with another violent partner.

The hope is, though, you will find yourself more able to recognize the warning signals, having been through the situation previously. Also hopefully, your friend or loved one might be more likely to turn to you since you have been there for them the time before.

The important point to remember is to respect them and let them know you are there for them no matter what happens!